All glories to Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga

Disappearance Day
of Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj

Morning talk given in Italy by
His Divine Grace Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj

29 July 2003
, Part I

A very heavy day

Today was and is a very heavy day for us because our Divine Master, Om Visnupad Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj disappeared this day in 1988 at 5:48 in the morning. After a few days of staying in his room, he disappeared. That day was very heavy. We knew this time Srila Guru Maharaj would disappear. Before that, two or three years maybe, Srila Guru Maharaj told everyone to, "Hear from Govinda Maharaj! Now, I want to leave." And I prayed to Maharaj not to leave us and that I have taken responsibility for all the service of Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math.

Then I told him, "If you stay we will get strength; and if you go, I shall be without strength." Srila Guru Maharaj heard that, accepted that, and for two more years he stayed. But a few days before he departed, again Guru Maharaj said he wanted to leave, and I replied, "No." But Guru Maharaj did not accept that. He was talking with me, and I could not stop him. And I understood that now Guru Maharaj was determined to go.

Earthquake broke my dream

Then three or four days before his disappearance a very heavy earthquake happened. I could not understand it was an earthquake at first. I was sitting upright in my room, and I thought someone was shaking my chair. Srila Guru Maharaj always lived with air-conditioning, but because of my bronchial difficulty I was not living in the room with him. I was sitting outside the room when a heavy earthquake happened. I then told everyone, "Now in three days Srila Guru Maharaj will go." The Scripture is giving in this way some indication.

In the meantime, Sripad Puri Maharaj came from Mayapur to see Guru Maharaj, and I prayed to Puri Maharaj that in three days Guru Maharaj must go because my dream was broken by this earthquake. I requested to him, "You stay in the Math, for how much time I do not know." But he wanted to go to his Math and said he would come back. But I told, "No, you are not to go!" And Puri Maharaj stayed.

Two or three doctors also stayed, but if Srila Guru Maharaj wanted to go, in which way could the doctors keep him? On the 12th of August, I was sitting outside in the morning. Then I went inside, and I saw Guru Maharaj just before going. I was surprised that he was fully conscious. One incident happened that some brahmachari touched him, and Guru Maharaj threw his hand, very disturbed. Then I told, "Don't touch Guru Maharaj. You go." And he was also very upset.

Then I knew from before that Guru Maharaj had told me to put my hand lightly on his head, like this. Then I gave him a little massage like that. Then 5:48 came and Guru Maharaj left, very smoothly. Nothing happened. Five men were in the room.

Example of Raghunath Das Goswami

At that time I felt the sloka when Rupa Goswami Prabhu disappeared. It is impossible to tolerate the disappearance of Gurudev. It is very painful, but I tolerate it because I know that now I cannot be in a secondary position. I must stand and do everything; everything is waiting for my instruction. Rupa Goswami Prabhu said in this way when Mahaprabhu disappeared.

Raghunath Das Goswami was in Puri Dham. He tolerated the Lord's disappearance, and he thought about the fact that Mahaprabhu had given him Giri Govardhan-sila and Gunja-mala as Radha and Krishna. He wanted to go to Govardhan, bow down to Govardhan and leave his body. This was his desire.

He tolerated Mahaprabhu's disappearance and went to Vrindavan. When he got to Vrindavan there were Sri Rupa Goswami, Sri Sanatan Goswami and other Goswamis. When he saw Rupa and Sanatan he got back his life. Mahaprabhu was living within Rupa and Sanatan. Mahaprabhu gave that place, Vrindavan, to Rupa and Sanatan. Many divine places had disappeared, and the Scripture Srimad-Bhagavatam, the consciousness of Srimad-Bhagavat, had disappeared. Rupa and Sanatan reestablished them. Mahaprabhu indicated the location of Shyama Kunda and Radha Kunda; and so many other places of Krishna's pastimes were discovered by Rupa and Sanatan. Mahaprabhu's full power was working through Rupa and Sanatan.

Then Das Goswami desired to leave his body, but he did not leave. He was living there in Vrindavan under the guidance of Rupa and Sanatan. Sanatan. Goswami was giving some instruction, and Rupa Goswami Prabhu was always protecting him. Such joy was in his heart. But when Rupa Goswami disappeared, although he had tolerated everything, he could not tolerate his disappearance.

He quoted one sloka: What can I say? Shyama Kunda, Radha Kunda, my whole life I am staying on the banks of Radha Kunda, but now I am seeing that Radha Kunda is like an angry tiger's mouth coming to me. Mahaprabhu gave Giriraj Govardhan to worship as the non-different form of Krishna. I am worshipping my whole life, but now I am feeling that Giriraj is like a big python coming to take me. These types of thoughts I have.

Separation from Guru

Separation from Guru we cannot feel fully – impossible. What can I say? Srila Guru Maharaj composed a sloka after the disappearance of Srila Saraswati Thakur: "All people are feeling disturbance from his disappearance; they are lamenting. My beautiful loving master disappeared. What shall I do? I cannot tolerate his disappearance. I want to go to him." Guru Maharaj expressed that.

That was a very heavy day for me. Guru Maharaj gave some time to tolerate because he showed he was going. We got some habit, some tolerance. But that day, when Guru Maharaj came down, I was feeling that now Guru Maharaj will come down and will not come back. He will sit in Samadhi. He is living, but in Samadhi. Divine feelings will take form as activity in Samadhi.

I was very surprised when one tree, every year giving full mangoes – four or five mangoes on each twig – suddenly disappeared with Guru Maharaj. Every leaf fell down. I was very surprised. Within seven days we could feel there was no life. We had put Srila Guru Maharaj beside Tulasi Devi next to that tree; and from there Srila Guru Maharaj went to Samadhi. After six months we started to build the Temple. I gave the name 'Temple of Union in Separation.' If you come here you can have union with Guru Maharaj but in the form of separation. Still everyone is going to that Temple.

All came to Srila Guru Maharaj

I am surprised I have not seen any enemies of Guru Maharaj. Everyone was very affectionate with Guru Maharaj though they did not live with Guru Maharaj, they had their own Maths, their own ashrams. They would practise independently but would come once or twice a year, for one or two months, to stay with Guru Maharaj. One time Guru Maharaj was so sick. The anti-group of Guru Maharaj all came. They were also sick, not eating anything. I told Maharaj you come, take something. And Maharaj said, "Give me one dab, the water of green coconut. You have so many."

Sripad Bhakti Dayita Madhav Maharaj was his very good friend. Sripad Bhakti Vichar Jajavar Maharaj was his very intimate friend. All the Maharajs are coming. Sagar Maharaj came two months, Sripad Bhakti Hrdoy Bon Maharaj, Ashram Maharaj, Giri Maharaj, Aranya Maharaj, all the initiated devotees of Sripad Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur, Sripad Bhakti Saranga Goswami Maharaj. Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur had nineteen sannyasis – I have eighteen sannyasis. Yearly they are coming, and Guru Maharaj is making Visva Vaisnava Raja Sabha with that. And still we are holding the banner of Visva Vaisnava Raja Sabha in Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math.

That was very heavy, the Disappearance Day of Srila Guru Maharaj. I did not know anything about what was then to be done. I had never attended the disappearance of a Vaisnava because I was very fearful, and therefore I did not know what was necessary to do. I was surprised that four people came from Mayapur and said, "Maharaj, you are very worried about the activity of samadhi?" I said, "Yes, very much." They came and told me, "We know everything."

The Pure Line of Srila Rupa Goswami

Srila Guru Maharaj was 100 percent in the line of Srila Rupa Goswami. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur gave that position. He was in that position; Srila Saraswati Thakur only showed that position. He is the pure line of Rupa Goswami. On Saraswati Thakur's Disappearance Day, he called Guru Maharaj from bed and instructed, "You sing 'Sri Rupa Manjari Pada sei mora sampada sei mor bhajana pujana.' And Guru Maharaj hesitated because he was not habituated with fine tune, and the secretary of Gaudiya Math told Pranavananda Brahmachari (Sripad Puri Maharaj before he took sannyas) to sing. He started to sing, but Srila Saraswati Thakur said, "No, stop! This song only Sripad Sridhar Maharaj will sing."

In letters, Sripad Puri Maharaj wrote to Srila Guru Maharaj: Srila Saraswati Thakur has given you this position as Rupanuga Acharya. Then you please bestow your mercy on me that I will someday be qualified with the guidelines of Srila Rupa Goswami.

This day I stay with you all, who are very attached with Guru Maharaj's lotus feet. I am so happy with Sripad Goswami Maharaj, Sripad Siddhanti Maharaj, Sripad Bhakti Madhur Bon Maharaj, Sripad Srutasrava Prabhu, and so many others all present here today. Here is Krishna Kanta Didi, such a sick girl, but her strength is so strong for spreading Krishna consciousness. She, with Munindra Mohan Prabhu, Mohita Krishna Prabhu, and a few very strong devotees, have successfully tried to make this ashram for the satisfaction of Guru Maharaj.

"I shall be in Italy this day"

I gave Munindra Mohan Prabhu's one-room ashram the name Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math, but I told you to try to make one nice ashram if possible. That sick girl did not forget that, but with extreme sickness she tried with Munindra Mohan and others and made this ashram. On the Internet I am seeing this ashram, and I am thinking I must go once at least. My health is very poor, no doubt, but for the satisfaction of the Italian devotees I must go and stay there a few days and give my love, affection and heartfelt obeisance to them. For that, I have come this time.

Day by day I am becoming ill; I cannot walk. For seventy-three years I have walked, then I must rest. But I think it is my seva, it is my duty to go to that ashram. And when the tour programme was made, they told me, "You will be in the London Math for the Disappearance Day Festival of Srila Guru Maharaj." I replied: "No, I shall be in Italy with the devotees on this Disappearance Day."

Jaya Om Visnupad Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki jaya!

Transcribed by Vrindavanesvari Devi Dasi
in consultation with other devotees

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