very heavy day
Today was and is
a very heavy day for us because our Divine Master, Om Visnupad Srila
Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj disappeared this day in 1988
at 5:48 in the morning. After a few days of staying in his room, he
disappeared. That day was very heavy. We knew this time Srila Guru Maharaj
would disappear. Before that, two or three years maybe, Srila Guru Maharaj
told everyone to, "Hear from Govinda Maharaj! Now, I want to leave."
And I prayed to Maharaj not to leave us and that I have taken responsibility
for all the service of Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math.
Then I told him, "If you stay we will get strength; and if you
go, I shall be without strength." Srila Guru Maharaj heard that,
accepted that, and for two more years he stayed. But a few days before
he departed, again Guru Maharaj said he wanted to leave, and I replied,
"No." But Guru Maharaj did not accept that. He was talking
with me, and I could not stop him. And I understood that now Guru Maharaj
was determined to go.
broke my dream
Then three or four
days before his disappearance a very heavy earthquake happened. I could
not understand it was an earthquake at first. I was sitting upright
in my room, and I thought someone was shaking my chair. Srila Guru Maharaj
always lived with air-conditioning, but because of my bronchial difficulty
I was not living in the room with him. I was sitting outside the room
when a heavy earthquake happened. I then told everyone, "Now in
three days Srila Guru Maharaj will go." The Scripture is giving
in this way some indication.
In the meantime, Sripad Puri Maharaj came from Mayapur to see Guru Maharaj,
and I prayed to Puri Maharaj that in three days Guru Maharaj must go
because my dream was broken by this earthquake. I requested to him,
"You stay in the Math, for how much time I do not know." But
he wanted to go to his Math and said he would come back. But I told,
"No, you are not to go!" And Puri Maharaj stayed.
Two or three doctors also stayed, but if Srila Guru Maharaj wanted to
go, in which way could the doctors keep him? On the 12th of August,
I was sitting outside in the morning. Then I went inside, and I saw
Guru Maharaj just before going. I was surprised that he was fully conscious.
One incident happened that some brahmachari touched him, and Guru Maharaj
threw his hand, very disturbed. Then I told, "Don't touch
Guru Maharaj. You go." And he was also very upset.
Then I knew from before that Guru Maharaj had told me to put my hand
lightly on his head, like this. Then I gave him a little massage like
that. Then 5:48 came and Guru Maharaj left, very smoothly. Nothing happened.
Five men were in the room.
of Raghunath Das Goswami
At that time I
felt the sloka when Rupa Goswami Prabhu disappeared. It is impossible
to tolerate the disappearance of Gurudev. It is very painful, but I
tolerate it because I know that now I cannot be in a secondary position.
I must stand and do everything; everything is waiting for my instruction.
Rupa Goswami Prabhu said in this way when Mahaprabhu disappeared.
Raghunath Das Goswami was in Puri Dham. He tolerated the Lord's disappearance,
and he thought about the fact that Mahaprabhu had given him Giri Govardhan-sila
and Gunja-mala as Radha and Krishna. He wanted to go to Govardhan, bow
down to Govardhan and leave his body. This was his desire.
He tolerated Mahaprabhu's disappearance and went to Vrindavan.
When he got to Vrindavan there were Sri Rupa Goswami, Sri Sanatan Goswami
and other Goswamis. When he saw Rupa and Sanatan he got back his life.
Mahaprabhu was living within Rupa and Sanatan. Mahaprabhu gave that
place, Vrindavan, to Rupa and Sanatan. Many divine places had disappeared,
and the Scripture Srimad-Bhagavatam, the consciousness of Srimad-Bhagavat,
had disappeared. Rupa and Sanatan reestablished them. Mahaprabhu indicated
the location of Shyama Kunda and Radha Kunda; and so many other places
of Krishna's pastimes were discovered by Rupa and Sanatan. Mahaprabhu's
full power was working through Rupa and Sanatan.
Then Das Goswami desired to leave his body, but he did not leave. He
was living there in Vrindavan under the guidance of Rupa and Sanatan.
Sanatan. Goswami was giving some instruction, and Rupa Goswami Prabhu
was always protecting him. Such joy was in his heart. But when Rupa
Goswami disappeared, although he had tolerated everything, he could
not tolerate his disappearance.
He quoted one sloka: What can I say? Shyama Kunda, Radha Kunda, my whole
life I am staying on the banks of Radha Kunda, but now I am seeing that
Radha Kunda is like an angry tiger's mouth coming to me. Mahaprabhu
gave Giriraj Govardhan to worship as the non-different form of Krishna.
I am worshipping my whole life, but now I am feeling that Giriraj is
like a big python coming to take me. These types of thoughts I have.
Guru we cannot feel fully impossible. What can I say? Srila Guru
Maharaj composed a sloka after the disappearance of Srila Saraswati
Thakur: "All people are feeling disturbance from his disappearance;
they are lamenting. My beautiful loving master disappeared. What shall
I do? I cannot tolerate his disappearance. I want to go to him."
Guru Maharaj expressed that.
That was a very heavy day for me. Guru Maharaj gave some time to tolerate
because he showed he was going. We got some habit, some tolerance. But
that day, when Guru Maharaj came down, I was feeling that now Guru Maharaj
will come down and will not come back. He will sit in Samadhi. He is
living, but in Samadhi. Divine feelings will take form as activity in
I was very surprised when one tree, every year giving full mangoes
four or five mangoes on each twig suddenly disappeared with Guru
Maharaj. Every leaf fell down. I was very surprised. Within seven days
we could feel there was no life. We had put Srila Guru Maharaj beside
Tulasi Devi next to that tree; and from there Srila Guru Maharaj went
to Samadhi. After six months we started to build the Temple. I gave
the name 'Temple of Union in Separation.' If you come here you can have
union with Guru Maharaj but in the form of separation. Still everyone
is going to that Temple.
came to Srila Guru Maharaj
I am surprised
I have not seen any enemies of Guru Maharaj. Everyone was very affectionate
with Guru Maharaj though they did not live with Guru Maharaj, they had
their own Maths, their own ashrams. They would practise independently
but would come once or twice a year, for one or two months, to stay
with Guru Maharaj. One time Guru Maharaj was so sick. The anti-group
of Guru Maharaj all came. They were also sick, not eating anything.
I told Maharaj you come, take something. And Maharaj said, "Give
me one dab, the water of green coconut. You have so many."
Sripad Bhakti Dayita Madhav Maharaj was his very good friend. Sripad
Bhakti Vichar Jajavar Maharaj was his very intimate friend. All the
Maharajs are coming. Sagar Maharaj came two months, Sripad Bhakti Hrdoy
Bon Maharaj, Ashram Maharaj, Giri Maharaj, Aranya Maharaj, all the initiated
devotees of Sripad Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur, Sripad Bhakti
Saranga Goswami Maharaj. Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur had
nineteen sannyasis I have eighteen sannyasis. Yearly they are
coming, and Guru Maharaj is making Visva Vaisnava Raja Sabha with that.
And still we are holding the banner of Visva Vaisnava Raja Sabha in
Sri Chaitanya Saraswat Math.
That was very heavy, the Disappearance Day of Srila Guru Maharaj. I
did not know anything about what was then to be done. I had never attended
the disappearance of a Vaisnava because I was very fearful, and therefore
I did not know what was necessary to do. I was surprised that four people
came from Mayapur and said, "Maharaj, you are very worried about
the activity of samadhi?" I said, "Yes, very much." They
came and told me, "We know everything."
Pure Line of Srila Rupa Goswami
Srila Guru Maharaj
was 100 percent in the line of Srila Rupa Goswami. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta
Saraswati Thakur gave that position. He was in that position; Srila
Saraswati Thakur only showed that position. He is the pure line of Rupa
Goswami. On Saraswati Thakur's Disappearance Day, he called Guru Maharaj
from bed and instructed, "You sing 'Sri Rupa Manjari Pada sei mora
sampada sei mor bhajana pujana.' And Guru Maharaj hesitated because
he was not habituated with fine tune, and the secretary of Gaudiya Math
told Pranavananda Brahmachari (Sripad Puri Maharaj before he took sannyas)
to sing. He started to sing, but Srila Saraswati Thakur said, "No,
stop! This song only Sripad Sridhar Maharaj will sing."
In letters, Sripad Puri Maharaj wrote to Srila Guru Maharaj: Srila Saraswati
Thakur has given you this position as Rupanuga Acharya. Then you please
bestow your mercy on me that I will someday be qualified with the guidelines
of Srila Rupa Goswami.
This day I stay with you all, who are very attached with Guru Maharaj's
lotus feet. I am so happy with Sripad Goswami Maharaj, Sripad Siddhanti
Maharaj, Sripad Bhakti Madhur Bon Maharaj, Sripad Srutasrava Prabhu,
and so many others all present here today. Here is Krishna Kanta Didi,
such a sick girl, but her strength is so strong for spreading Krishna
consciousness. She, with Munindra Mohan Prabhu, Mohita Krishna Prabhu,
and a few very strong devotees, have successfully tried to make this
ashram for the satisfaction of Guru Maharaj.
shall be in Italy this day"
I gave Munindra
Mohan Prabhu's one-room ashram the name Sri Chaitanya Saraswat
Math, but I told you to try to make one nice ashram if possible. That
sick girl did not forget that, but with extreme sickness she tried with
Munindra Mohan and others and made this ashram. On the Internet I am
seeing this ashram, and I am thinking I must go once at least. My health
is very poor, no doubt, but for the satisfaction of the Italian devotees
I must go and stay there a few days and give my love, affection and
heartfelt obeisance to them. For that, I have come this time.
Day by day I am becoming ill; I cannot walk. For seventy-three years
I have walked, then I must rest. But I think it is my seva, it is my
duty to go to that ashram. And when the tour programme was made, they
told me, "You will be in the London Math for the Disappearance
Day Festival of Srila Guru Maharaj." I replied: "No, I shall
be in Italy with the devotees on this Disappearance Day."
Jaya Om Visnupad Srila Bhakti Raksak Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj ki