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                         Baladev's 
                          car is the first to come. Slowly, slowly to start, and 
                          then a sudden rush. People run, falling over each other, 
                          trampled on and picked up again. Some of our party also 
                          fall over but no harm is done. During this stampede 
                          I see that the rope pulling Baladev's car is extremely 
                          close, like two feet from my outstretched arms trying 
                          to grasp at is as I am dragged away, in the flow of 
                          the human sea.  
                        Once 
                          we come to rest in a side street, I realise why it all 
                          happened. We were right in the middle of a mob desperately 
                          hoping for some mercy from pulling that rope. I almost 
                          cry from the intense emotion, stifling back tears, when 
                          I realise that I'd been so close but just missed it. 
                          Two devotees had led me to the side street, out of the 
                          way of the crowd, but I call above the din that I am 
                          not deterred by the crowd, I will NOT go home, and I 
                          want to stay right here and see Baladev, whose car is 
                          only a couple of metres away from where we stand! 
                        kabhu 
                          sukhe nrtya-ranga dekhe ratha rakhi' 
                          se kautuka ye dekhila, sei tara saksi 
                        Lord 
                          Jagannatha and Lord Balarama sometimes stopped 
                          the car and happily observed Lord Chaitanya's dancing. 
                          Anyone who was able to see Them stop and watch the dancing 
                          bore witness to Their Pastimes. 
                          (Cc Madhya 13.179) 
                         
                          I cannot explain the emotion that is running through 
                          me. They are trying to protect me because I am unwell, 
                          however in these moments I completely forget myself 
                          and all I can think is "Baladev!" His car 
                          stops beside us for a few long minutes, and I have a 
                          lump in my throat and tears in my eyes from this strange 
                          feeling of being in the midst of all that chaos, right 
                          near the car, so much mercy. Thank you, thank YOU! But 
                          I don't allow myself to cry in case the devotees think 
                          I am too unwell and send me home! 
                        I 
                          hear someone say, "That's as 'bad' as it gets," 
                          and it turns out to be true. We re-locate our party, 
                          which has diminished considerably in size due to the 
                          stampede, despite our very visible banner, as everyone 
                          fled in all directions.  
                        We 
                          chant to welcome Subhadra's car coming along, which 
                          is better managed by the crowd this time. She too halts 
                          right beside us for a while. Mmmm.... 
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